This article is satire, and is not meant to be taken literally. It parodies and serves as a comment on discriminatory anti-religious policy.
Religious clothing and symbols being seen in public is tearing our country apart! Luckily, we have the solution; a proposal that will put an end to our trouble. It is an unarguable opinion that religion is a private and personal matter, and our simple fix to this problem will keep it that way. It may make a few people uncomfortable, but it’s for the best.
Our intentions are nothing less than pure, and we only want what’s best for our communities and the general public. That’s why we’re proposing a complete removal of religious symbols from the general public, because we all know a hijab is much too political to be seen in a kindergarten classroom. This law would mean that wearing your religious clothing in public would be illegal, as it should have been from the very beginning.
In all honesty, it’s not such a terrible idea when you take a step back and think about it. The good thing about this law, despite violating your rights, is that it affects every religious group equally. In fact, it will affect non-marginalized groups more! Every member of a religious group must abide by this rule, but let’s look at the statistics. In 2011, over half of our Canadian population was affiliated with a version of Christianity, meaning that the majority of people the law applies to would be Christian. If that doesn’t prove that our proposal isn’t discriminatory, then I don’t know what will. Our Muslim, Sikh, and Jewish citizens should be thanking us right now, and we’re glad we’re able to change our country for the better. It may make a few people uncomfortable, but it’s for the best.
As for the citizens who are losing their jobs because of our law, well, whose fault is that? They were breaking the law! Our law itself may be illegal, but we promise that’s different; after all, we did get permission to do it. Things only infringe on your rights if we say they do, so you must listen better next time. If the career that you worked your whole life for has now been revoked because you chose your religion over it, we suppose downgrading to an entry-level job is your version of a punishment. Perhaps it’s less of a punishment, and instead, it’s a reward. Now you won’t have to work so hard! Think of it as a promotion but with none of the usual benefits.
Ultimately it doesn’t matter to us. Certain people are meant for certain jobs. But again, this law isn’t targeted towards anyone in particular. It’s about equality, simplicity, and neutrality. Sure, we could always just let our citizens live in peace with the freedom to express their beliefs, but who would want that? The benefits outweigh the negatives. It may make a few people uncomfortable, but it’s for the best.
Think of the children! A turban-wearing teacher? A hijab-wearing social worker? It doesn’t hit the ear right. Religion doesn’t need to be seen by these young minds that are still developing; it will make them more open-minded and culturally conscious! How upsetting. The children need to have a realistic view of white-collar workers. These are the types of careers that need to remain unbiased and should not be broadcasting their political opinion around while on the job. This heinous act would finally be seen for what it is: a crime.
It’s also a widely known psychological fact that children mimic what they see. The transition wouldn’t take long, perhaps one 75 minute period at the most. Imagine if you were to send your kid to school and have them come back home following a religion you’re unfamiliar with? We need to preserve our culture and the innocence of our young minds. It may make a few people uncomfortable, but it’s for the best.
Truthfully, none of this is for me; it’s for you. It’s for every citizen and member of this country. Don’t listen to the harsh opinions of what others have to say about our proposal, it’s really not that malicious. If you would rather our country be torn apart and ripped to shreds by religious visibility, then that is your choice. There’s always still the option of allowing our citizens their full and complete freedoms and rights, but that concept is borderline outrageous. The arguments have been made and speak for themselves. Whether or not you choose to listen is up to you. We don’t know why our Muslim, Sikh, and Jewish citizens aren’t thanking us right now. Did we not change our country for the better? We were warned about the backlash that we would be faced with and were told to respond with the following: it may make a few people uncomfortable, but it’s for the best.